My niece Mimi

Hey Mimi !!! So glad to hear from you! Just wanted you to know that *some* of us still remember how you sing. . . If I remember correctly, it was LOUD. :) hehehe. Enthusiasm goes a long way, anyway. I love this picture of you, I think you were about 3 here.

So, I was thinking about silly Granny stories (sorry, Mom-Rachael started it!) and I remembered the Awful Clown Fiasco. Mimi, I don't know how well you remember this but Mom had hired a clown she met at the GROCERY store for your seventh b-day party. The guy (I Swear) was drunk when he showed up. He was NOT a Happy Clown and he made all your friends unhappy. He couldn't do balloon animals or tricks, he opened all your presents for you, "helped" you blow out the candles, he even cut your cake!!!! I can't remember how exactly, but he made you cry (go figure) and this picture is of you trying to be really brave.

You could hardly smile at the camera-*poor thing*. We all tried to make the best of it, but really the guy was a real downer. To make matters worse, he wouldn't leave. Finally, A.D. had to take him outside and tell him to go home. It was only funny because it was so very sad. The moral of this story is "never hire a clown from the grocery store." Mimi, I love you and I hope you enjoyed this one!

Just Finished Reading Harry Potter. . .

Well, I just finished reading Harry Potter and all I will say is *sigh*. Thanks Mike for sending it to me! I won't spoil it for anyone. I will say this, even though J.K. Rowling is heavy on the adverbs, her storytelling ability far outweighs the problems with her style. Isn't that what a good book is all about anyway? THE STORY?! If the story flows well and is compelling enough to hold a twelve-year-old's attention for 862 page (at least six times over) then who cares if she uses words in the wrong context; stuffs every sentence with "ly" words like gently, morosely, robustly, etc; loads her dialogue with ". . ." and "----"; and borrows much of her material from well-established folklore? She does it with grace and ingenuity, turning old phrases, names, and myths into something so fresh and interesting her fans would be hard pressed to admit that she hadn't made it all up herself. I for one love her simplistic style coupled with the complex storyline she's set to paper. I hear she's richer than the Queen of England because of the books! Did you hear that mom? Richer than the Queen! There's hope for me yet! I can't wait for that kind of awe-inspiring story to pop into my head.

Video Debut

Well, I just spent the last four hours videoing my niece for a singing contest. She's really good so we look forward to the money! The contest is for the Colgate Country Showdown and well, cross your fingers. . .
As a side adventure, I let had her tape ME singing the song to my husband. I only messed up and had to start over like 11 times, so sad. . .guess I know what my future career is NOT going to be. Oh well, scratch rock star off the list. Wonder what kind of training I need to become a celebrity dog groomer?

My niece is visiting

My niece is visiting with us for a few days and it's really cheered me up to have her around. We always have fun together and she's a real joy to be around. I told her about my Blog and, of course, we set up her own blog right away. Feel free to check out her musings here . She's a real cheeseball and I love her a lot. We love to joke about her being 13 and I'm 31. So we're just alike. . .but I'm old. Hehehe.

I Knew Better than to Get out of Bed Today. . .

Okay, this is going to be the first time I really get on this blog to rant. So if rants aren't your thing--*insert heartfelt apologies here*. Before I even got out of bed this morning I woke up feeling like crap. In fact here are five good reasons that I should have hidden under the covers this morning.

1. I'm a big believer in dreams. I think the mind works in very mysterious ways while we're sleeping. Maybe it's just a time for the brain to make sense of all the daily incoherent thoughts bumping around in there. Maybe when we're sleeping our subconscious is closer to some other plane. Regardless, I'm one of those "deep" sleepers who have to rise to consciousness in intervals-no popping out of bed raring to meet the day for me. I think I need to check into astral projection and see if that might explain why I have a hard time waking up. Maybe it's not my alarm clock's fault, maybe I'm truly "elsewhere" and it takes awhile to come back to my body. So last night for me was filled with nightmarish dreams that normally I don't remember clearly. I woke up with a splitting headache and felt like an 80 year-old stumbling to the bathroom. Headache, dry mouth, woozy, upset stomach...Funny, I don't remember drinking a bottle of Scotch last night. I draped myself across the couch and moaned for an hour or so thinking this too shall pass. Then the phone rings.

2. I know better than to answer the phone on my day off. I heard the voice of my new boss (I've only been at this job for a week and a half). Crap, I thought. Why didn't I let the machine pick up? So, fully expecting to be called into work, I was rather shocked to hear her explain that she'd talked it over with her boyfriend/owner of the store and they'd decided that they really couldn't afford to keep me. What??? Okay, now I know a few things about myself. I know I've had a LOT of work experience-but I've never been actually fired before. She claimed that it was nothing against me personally, they just didn't have the money to keep another employee. This could have been brought to my attention Yesterday!, I think through the pounding migraine in my head. I couldn't even bring myself to be mad, until later in the day. Why put me through all this? They didn't have to actually get my hopes up about a future paycheck after all. Whatever, I've only been there a week and half. Good riddance to bad management. The feeling is mutual,etc., etc., etc. I think I mumbled some nonsense about my last paycheck and hung up quickly. So, nothing personal but you're fired. Great. I need some coffee.

3. My husband and I finally finished college in May. It took us years to finish our degrees and finally it was done. So what brilliant idea did I conceive for my future? I'll go ahead and continue going to school. What's another 2 years, after all? I'll get my Masters and be done with it. I might not ever get another chance to go back. It was so hard to change our lifestyle and make school a number one priority in the first place. Brilliant idea. I've had a lot of jobs over the years, even I'll admit that but I've always had good reason for switching and its always been my choice to leave the place. I've never had a hard time finding gainful employment. So what happened? I am now armed with a Bachelors Degree in English and apparently am completely unhirable. Why, you ask? Beats me. I'm not even applying for Ivy League jobs. Blockbuster wouldn't even employ me, I guess since I never heard back from them. I just need to scream this out to the Universe in general-- WHY? WHY? WHY? Pour Qoi? WHY? Okay, I feel better now. Is there such a thing as being unhirable because you have a little education?

4. This company I applied at more than 6 weeks ago called me again THIS afternoon. I'd pretty much given up on them already, but since they kept calling me back for a second and third interview I was holding onto that last shred of hope. I'd (honestly) explained that it was my intention to return to Graduate school in the fall and it wouldn't interfere with employment if they would work with me on the hours. Seems like a reasonable request since the job wasn't even full time (yet). They were hoping to make it a 40 hour work week in the next year or so- no problem with me. So the really nice guy that I've been interviewing with calls me and says he really wanted to hire me and that they would be happy to work with me on my schedule this fall---However, (my heart dropped), the company was concerned about my Spring class schedule and they thought it was likely that I would not be able to keep the same work hours as before. Of course, I explained that I wasn't even enrolled in spring classes yet, that I choose the hours and I would do everything in my power to keep school from interfering. Even still, they didn't want to hold me back from anything, he says. (HOLD me back from what? Paying my bills?!!!) So I asked him if he'd found anyone who would dedicate 40 hours to the company and he says no not yet. I kindly suggest that if they don't find anyone in the next few weeks I would be open to the position still and if they change their mind and want to give me an opportunity to please hold onto my number and give me a call. He agrees and we end the conversation. Amazingly, I still didn't cry. Usually, after this much disappointment in one day, I would be the Human Fountain of Saltwater. I was fine; I continued my slog through the internet want-ads looking for a job that would involve enough money to pay my bills and still allow me to go to school.

5. I was doing okay, trying to pretend that nothing was wrong when my Mom calls. She says, I was thinking about you and wanted to know how you're doing. Automatic Fountain release, thanks Mom, I needed that. I guess Momma always knows no matter how far away you might be. I managed to say pretty crappy and burst into little girl wailing. She feels so bad for me. I feel bad for her, cause who always foots the bill when I can't? My parents and my In-laws are wonderful people. They are always supportive and non-judgmental when it comes to my screw-ups, I have to say I'm really blessed. That said, this isn't a blog about how wonderful my life is- so back to the angry, bitterness for now. . .
Mom tries her best to cheer me up, but of course the old 'Maybe you could go back to Wal-mart' suggestion makes me cry even harder. She means well. Mom, I know that in case you read this. It's not just you, I get that suggestion from a lot of people. But please, please, please, people-everyone- try to understand that I went back to school to get a better job. Not to go back to where I've already been unhappy. Universe, if you're listening, now would be a great time for that alien invasion just to take some of the pressure off of me! My best friend says she'd be happy to hire me if only I lived a little closer and could make the drive everyday- Thank you! hugs, Mary. But I really didn't want to move again right now, and frankly, I can't afford to do so.

So, in the end I went back to bed this afternoon about four o'clock and slept for six hours. I woke up feeling better but tomorrow I have to resume that crappy looking for a job search that I've come to dread so much. Why can't I just follow my bliss? Somewhere there are people in the world who do what they love and love what they do. Where are you people? What's your secret? I know everyone isn't Oprah, but there has to be some hope for the rest of us. I have this stupid indefatigable resilliancy that keeps me from becoming depressed permanently. I know there are worse things than a bright outlook on life in general, but right now I want to feel crappy and I keep thinking of things to cheer myself up with. I'm sorry to bore everyone with this, but I'm trying to give myself permission to be upset. People can't be bright and optimistic all the time. So now, the reason why I'm mad at myself is that I can't even be properly depressed. Man, I am my own harshest critic. I can feel myself feeling better so this rant is officially over.

Choose Your Topic Wisely

I set out to write this post about Tom Cruise, since my husband just took me to watch "War of the Worlds" and it was excellent by the way. But every time I start to write about anything I keep getting distracted. This is one clear indication that the topic really isn't what moves you. I mean, Tom Cruise is pretty to look at, but what else do I really have to say about him? As a writer, one of the hardest things to choose is what you want to write about. I stated on an earlier blog that a writer can write about anything. While this is true, we still must consider what it is that a Reader wants to READ about. How many websites can one visit to hear all about Tom's life and recent engagement if one wished to? Do any of my fans care to hear my opinion on such a topic? Probably not. Here are five things to consider whenever deciding on a topic to write about.

1. If the topic bores the hell out of you as the writer, can it really be interesting to your readers? Why spend precious hours exploring a subject that no one wants to read? This is a big one because it involves the great debate of writing to sell/writing for pleasure. Okay, selling books is a pleasure, but does it mean that you have to "sell out" in order to become successful? Hopefully not. I like to believe that if I write things that I'm interested in, I'll be able to reach like-minded readers. I would never write a novel about sports, for example. Not that I hate football or anything, I just don't really enjoy it. Why in the world then would I ever incorporate a football player as a major character in my novel? It's true that millions of people love football, but if I'm not one of them, how can I convey the same sense of excitement, achievement, or exhilaration from getting a touchdown or whatever that sports lovers have? I can try, but my readers would know I didn't really care.

2. You don't have to limit yourself to "writing only what you know"- This is fine for self-help books or newsjournals, but creative writing is about exploring. You only have to know enough of a subject to sound convincing, so put down that F.B.I. training manual and breath a sigh of relief, your readers will too. To take up my previous example, if I did want to write a book involving sports fanatics, I can certainly look up a few and ask them questions about how it feels, what the rules are, what the terms are, etc. I only need enough to understand the topic. I don't have to actually suit up and play the game myself. That's the beauty of being able to write effectively.

3. Play the "What If. . . game"- I've read a few books on writing and this advice has been the most helpful. Every situation can be manipulated by simply suggesting a few what ifs- What if aliens tried to take over the world? What if they had planned to do it for a really long time? What if they failed? What if they didn't fail? H.G. Wells surely pondered this subject at length. The what if game is fun once you get the hang of it. What if I actually wrote a novel instead of pages and pages of this blog?

4. Every person, animal, song, retail store, and strawberry on the planet has a story. Don't tell yourself there's nothing out there to write about. If you bog yourself down in that attitude you'll never get a word onto the page at all. Every day we are bombarded with potential story topics if we look at it like that. Try to make up a history or factoid about every person you see at Wal-Mart while you're grocery shopping. For example, that Lady wearing flip-flops is buying frozen corn, de-con mouse poison, and a pregnancy test---Is the pregnancy test for herself or her teenage daughter? Will the poison be used for a mouse, her cheating husband, or the teenage daughter's 23 year-old boyfriend? We can kind of figure out that the corn is for dinner.

5. Trust Yourself. Don't forget to write about things that interest you. The things that interest you are bound to interest somebody else. This is true even if stamp collecting is your big passion. While that won't necessarily attract millions of loyal fans, you can bet that someone else is "into it". Writers shouldn't blindly discard topics that interest us because we don't think anyone will read it. One my professors offered the advice to always avoid writing mundane things. She claimed no one wants to read about someone getting dressed, brushing their teeth, combing their hair, etc. I agree UNLESS there is something strange/disturbing/telling about the manner in which the character does such things.

I didn't set out to write a blog like this, but if these things help me then I have to trust that they will help others. Choosing a topic can be the most important first step for a writer, so be careful and choose wisely.

Fake Plastic Trees

Sorry to disappoint you, I'm not talking about the awesome song by Radiohead. However, it was my inspiration for thinking ABOUT fake plastic trees. In all my life I never realized that I had so many stories involving fake plastic trees. Just goes to show that one can write about any subject really. I can think of five times in my past that fake plastic trees made an impression on me. How many can you think of?

1) When I was about eight years old my parents took me and my brother on a road trip through various states and up to Philadelphia to visit my sister and brother-in-law. You can imagine how excited we were to travel through Virginia touring various civil war cemeteries in the dead of winter in a big yellow Suburban. Along the way my older brother and I invented many ways of amusing ourselves; games such as Slapout and Combs involved more than a little violence and didn't amuse my mother at all. I remember we ate at a lot of Howard Johnsons and Denny's restaurants. We couldn't help but notice the little sprigs of parsley that seemed to garnish every meal. One time my brother, Mike, decided to eat his parsley and it turned his whole mouth green. We had a good laugh at that one, but it's really not the subject of this blog. The next restaurant we went to my Dad judiciously offered Mike his sprig of parsley to eat. Mike almost refused but decided it might be funny. However, it turned out that this parsley was in fact fake green plastic. Again we had a good laugh, but later I wondered what the restaurant managers were thinking. I mean, most people know not to eat it, but what if some idiot choked?

2) When I was a kid, my dentist's office had the usual drab decorations you can find anywhere. But I remember clearly two items of interest. One was a painting of Chinatown in the rain. Looking at it was like looking through a rain-streaked windshield. It was lovely to me because it still made sense even when I had to remove my glasses and wait for the doctor for thirty minutes. Anyway, the office had a few potted trees in the corners of the waiting room. My mother being the gardening connoisseur of the family just couldn't stand seeing plants with dead leaves still attached. She waited as long as she could but when she couldn't stand it anymore, she leaned over and plucked about three or four from the plant. The secretary looked up just as she did it and started laughing at her. Embarrassed, my Mom stuffed the brown leaves in her purse and gave me a sheepish look. I raised an eyebrow at her and she said, "Fake plant." We snorted a little but managed to hold our composure together. The secretary sweetly explained that the brown leaves were supposed to make the plant appear real. When we got to the car I made her promise not to help anyone with their interior decorating anymore.

3) When I was a teenager I worked (for a very short period of time) for a local lawyer/family friend running his office and doing errands for him while his family was on a well-deserved vacation. Anyone who knows a lawyer at all knows that "short list" isn't in their vocabulary. He'd left me a short list of about 500 things to do for him while he was gone. I remember as I let myself into his house to feed/water the cats, I noticed a huge wall of houseplants. The houseplants weren't on the list but I figured it was an oversight and I diligently watered each and every one of them daily for about two weeks. It wasn't until much later that his wife told me they were, you guessed it, all fake. The water had collected at the bottom of them and molded horribly. I was embarrassed to death; I'd managed to successfully file a bankruptcy case at the downtown courthouse without a hitch but ruined hundreds of dollars worth of fake plants. You'd think a lawyer could afford real ones, but then you'd think an eighteen year-old could tell the difference.

4) My sister has the ugliest fake tree in her house that one can imagine. It's called a Topiary or something. Its like a stick with a square of green and more stick with a big round ball of green on top. I don't know what it's actually made of, but we tease her a lot about her "Chia tree". As a joke I grabbed it on my way out of her house and said, "I'm taking your ugly tree with me!" Appalled, she snatched it out of my hand and yelled, "I paid 500 dollars for that!" You could have blown me over with a feather. To this day, I can't understand why someone would pay more than my rent for such an ugly tree. The rich are rarely sane though.

5) Every year at Christmastime, my Dad would take us kids out to the woods behind our house and let us pick a fresh tree. After much careful consideration we would point to the one with the appropriate thickness of branches, hoping it would be the one to make Mom happiest. Then Dad would chop it down and we'd help him drag it home. One year when I was about twelve, Dad took me and Mike aside and told us that we were going to pick out a fake plastic tree at the store that year. Oh, we argued and cried about how it was against tradition and the pine smell was so Christmasy with a real tree, etc. It wasn't until this point that Dad pointed out that every year at Christmas my Mom would get ill, and didn't we ever notice that it was because of the live tree? No, we hadn't realized that. We knew, of course, that Mom always suffered from springtime allergies. It just hadn't occurred to us that the fresh tree also caused her asthma to act up. She'd never complained about it. Ever. Mike and I felt really ashamed. We agreed to get the fake tree (which my parents still have). But that year I learned an important lesson; my mom loved us so much she willingly risked her life every year to let us have a fresh tree. It was the best present I ever got for Christmas.

I know that this topic is not really as exciting as it sounds at first. But the goal here was to write about things, any things. The song that was playing was "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead and so I wrote about them. If the adage is true that a writer writes, then also true is the fact that a writer can write about anything.

I Wannabe a Princess!

I’ve always loved Princess stories, especially as an adult. I know that sounds really odd, but then I’ve never been accused of being "normal" by adult standards. For example, I believe in fairies, unicorns, ghosts, aliens, and time travel (however, I believe that most time travel happens quite by accident and therein lies the differing of my opinion from other weirdos, say Trekkies and suchlike.) Now, as I said before, I loved Princess stories as a child and that love has grown instead of diminished as I became an adult. Here are five good reasons why:

1) Princesses are rarely ugly. None of them ever seem to suffer from gangliness, bony elbows, acne, and split-ends like the rest of us mortals. And don’t try to point out that the Ugly Stepsisters were princesses also, because they really weren’t; they were merely wannabes like the rest of us.

2) True Friends. Princesses may suffer some kind of loss or hardship, but they always had kind friends to see them through-whether it was a Godmother (See reason number 4 below for more on Fairy Godmothers), mice, lobsters, or dwarves. There were always sea/forest-dwellers of some kind that helped alleviate their troubles. How many of us stared into the soulful eyes of our puppies/kittens and begged them to go ahead and speak to us and we promise we won’t tell anyone their secret?

3) Princesses are also smart. Rarely are there any stupid Princesses. Okay, Rapunzel was duped into staying in her tower and it took her a mighty long time to devise a way out, but trickery plays a large part in the troubles of Princesses. Anybody can fall prey to believing an untruth if the liar is believable or magical enough to convince us, and therefore, even Rapunzel can be excused. Usually, though Princesses are the whole package and they use their head to find a way out of danger. What would have happened to Cinderella if she’d chucked the other glass slipper? Thankfully, she was smart enough to hang onto the evidence!

4) Fairy Godmothers. A magical woman who shows up just when we really need her and helps us fix all our problems? Plus she’s a powerful woman who can dress us up, give us transportation, impart sage advice, provide emotional support AND sing us a rhyming song? Who wouldn’t love that! Okay, most of us just call her Mom. However, not every mother is that kind of woman, let’s be honest.

5) True Love. A little something I like to call Happily Ever After. For every Princess there’s that one independently wealthy, love-crazed man who puts her upon her (rightful) pedestal, treats her like a Queen and wouldn’t dare ever throw his dirty tights on the floor and expect her to pick them up and wash them. What a man! They don’t call him “Charming” for nothing, either. This guy shows up with flowers and spouts love poetry on request. He is always concerned about her well-being and would never accidently insult her by saying her butt is taking up too much room in the coach!

So there you have it five great reasons to be a Princess, as if the job title alone isn't enough!